Monday, December 05, 2005

obligations.
what is it all about? it's a feeling when you feel like you are doing things (feel obliged) for someone's else sake and not for your own purposes. i wonder if this is how junhao feels about me.
days have passed and i seemed too wander along aimlessly, which is a pretty bad thing. i want my relatives to go home. and i want everyone to leave me alone.
i've always thought how it be fine when i'm going to be alone but now, that thought seems so far away. now, i'm going to take charge of my life. ignore them. pretend they don't exist. lol. i hope there comes a day where we all can talk peacefully without even screaming in the first place. in all cases, hope is only for the hopeless.
we wait in anticipation for the day when we can go out openly and nothing will happen to us. but, when the day comes, more other problems will come, of which i can't feel. is this what i really want?
i've always complained about not having someone there for me but now i'm starting to be a bit sick of it, only after a few days. insecurity? maybe. he is good to me. and i'm doing my best to be a good gf for him.
arul and george always tells me, ignorance is bliss. but, having your eyes covered by cotton wool is just decieving yourself. fooled. and living a lie. that's why truth hurts. my thoughts are very disorganized.